What Floor?

From 2004:



From CNN today:

'Space elevator' would take humans into orbit
By Mike Steere
For CNN

LONDON, England (CNN) -- A new space race is officially under way, and this one should have the sci-fi geeks salivating.

The project is a "space elevator," and some experts now believe that the concept is well within the bounds of possibility -- maybe even within our lifetimes.

A conference discussing developments in space elevator concepts is being held in Japan in November, and hundreds of engineers and scientists from Asia, Europe and the Americas are working to design the only lift that will take you directly to the one hundred-thousandth floor....A cable anchored to the Earth's surface, reaching tens of thousands of kilometers into space, balanced with a counterweight attached at the other end is the basic design for the elevator.

It is thought that inertia -- the physics theory stating that matter retains its velocity along a straight line so long as it is not acted upon by an external force -- will cause the cable to stay stretched taut, allowing the elevator to sit in geostationary orbit.

The cable would extend into the sky, eventually reaching a satellite docking station orbiting in space.

The response to the story from a CNN reader - and so clearly, one of those Williamsburg NIMBYs - made me laugh out loud: "I just think that it'll be a waste of time, resources, and money. It'll be a maintenance nightmare." (Italics mine.)

Um, yeah, I'm sure that's the biggest problem with this project. Also, this isn't a "new" project as CNN says...see here.

Deep Thoughts

I've decided that what I like best about bananas is that they come individually wrapped so I don't have to wash them. The time I spend washing fruit and vegetables is time that could be better spent eating them if only they all were as conveniently (intelligently?) designed as the banana.

Shear Madness

I had a terrible nightmare last night, one that left me crying uncontrollably in my dream (and in real life as well, since I awoke to a little sea of tears on my pillow).

What was this horrible dream, you might ask?

I went to a salon and a very giant and snooty male stylist cut all my hair off! I was just heartbroken. I told him not to cut it too short and he sheared me like a sheep! It was pretty awful, though in retrospect, one of the funnier nightmares I have had. I'm not quite sure why it made me so emotional.

It's possible my subconscious is still processing the fact that I recently got a haircut, a result of me accidentally-on purpose cutting my own bangs. (I'm very open to the power of suggestion and Corazon cut her bangs a while back. Of course, hers looked super-cute while mine looked like...well, like I cut them myself.)

At any rate, I was glad to find my hair still there when I woke up.

The Sum of These Days Is My Life

Me: Wendy, I'm kind of freaking out. Ever since I got back from DC, I've been getting really OCD. I can't stop washing my dishes.

Wendy: [laughs] I think you're fine. Wait. Clean ones?

Me: No, but now that you've planted that idea, probably. It's just that at first I needed to wash the dishes every day, and then a few times a day, and now I have to wash every single dish as soon as I'm done using it. Is that normal?

Wendy: [looking around house, which is still fairly dirty despite my "OCD"] Uh, I think you'll be fine. I thought you were going to say something horrible was happening with you. I don't really think your cleaning is excessive yet.

Me: When I was washing my dishes from dinner, I was sort of afraid I was going crazy. And then I thought, maybe this is what adults are like. Maybe this is what adults are SUPPOSED to be like. And somehow that made me way sadder than the idea that I was crazy.

Blah Blah Blah

I am drinking hot cocoa before I go to bed. I believe this means summer is over. Weather, you have been officially put on notice.

I have made dinner at home twice in a row. Well, tonight I actually ate leftovers, and both nights I made salads, so perhaps "assembled" is a better word. But whatever, yay for me!

I am so getting shit done this week with doctor appointments and workers comp follow-up and insurance stuff and all that sort of nonsense. It's life's busy work but it is making me feel productive.

My shoulder still hurts like a mofo but Vicodin is helping. Surprisingly enough, so is Extra Strength Tylenol, and in fact, doing so way better than the copious numbers of Advil I was popping up until this afternoon. I'm still sort of afraid all the pain relievers I've been taking are going to either eat through my stomach lining or ruin my kidneys, though. In semi-related news, if you have a headache, those people in the Excedrin commercials are not effing around with you. That stuff works.

I bought the new Thomas Friedman book, Hot, Flat, and Crowded, and I'm very excited to read it. Not so much so that I'll start it tonight (because I don't want to read it all drowsy-like) but nonetheless quite eager.

Since this is all pretty random stuff, I'll end by saying Richard Lewis was on my connecting flight (Phoenix to Burbank) on my way home from DC. I somehow think the minor porn star sitting next to me was recognized by more people than he was.

WTF?

I'm not sure I even want to know the reasoning behind this.

I Guess That's Karma

I was intently watching the Woot-Off that began last night, and of course, once again, I totally missed the Bag of Crap. Dammit!

I thought for sure there'd be one more BoC, but alas, it was not to be. The last item was a 24-pack of Trojan Elexa Ultra Sensitive Condoms. I happen to be a Lifestyles girl, but I did a quick search for reviews in case I'm missing out on some hot condom action. (I am missing out on some hot condom action, actually, but it's mostly for lack of a partner rather than use of the wrong product.)

As it happens, Amazon was selling these condoms a while back and there were three reviews, each one worse than the last. The three-star review said it wasn't very lubricated; the two-star review said they were a little small (!); and the one-star review said TWO of the three condoms used from the package BROKE! Hmm, not good.

I considered putting a link to the reviews in the comments thread on Woot. But then...well, then I thought it might deter potential buyers, thus prolonging the time to the next item in the Woot-off, which I was certain would be a Bag of Crap.

Unfortunately, as I mentioned, the condoms were the last item of the Woot-Off. So I guess that probably serves me right for being so selfish. *sigh* I feel for the suckers who bought those small, dry, prone-to-failure prophylactics, though.

Overheard

"A toothpick is the cowboy's friend, and it can be your friend, too." - one of the hygienists at my dentist's office speaking to a patient in the next cubicle

"Would you let your child suckle on a cow that had just been rolling around in the pasture?" - a man on NPR who is apparently opposed to raw milk

"Well, we get along about one out of every four weekends." - man in the elevator, nonchalantly describing to a friend what I envision as a very miserable relationship with his girlfriend

"A little credenza frottage never hurt anyone." - not exactly overheard, but it made me laugh very hard when I read it over at A Collection of Odd.

...and on a related amusing note, Blogger doesn't recognize the word frottage. Apparently they need more sexual deviants working there.

I Am Psychokinetic!

I can control the weather with my mind! Or my prayers!

The temperature today dropped markedly. Coincidence? I THINK NOT.

So instead of telling you the theme letter for the day, I'm going to beam it DIRECTLY INTO YOUR MIND. Sweet!

Freud Vs. Jung

Dear Subconscious:

Please stop being so susceptible to anything anyone else says regarding dreams. Thanks to an off-hand comment by the Ex, I had a nightmare in which I was chased by a strange man as I ran in a dark parking lot at night. I very much did not enjoy that, not only because it was frightening, but also because I barely like to exercise when I am awake.

kthxbai,
City Elf

Do You Put Soap On Your Hands?

Ummmm...seriously?

Have these people never heard of a bidet? (Or a washy toilet?)



What's next, colon closing therapy?

(Found via Dancingmorganmouse)

I Can Too Write My Name In The Snow

Amazing virtual pee experience? Count me in! As soon as I get a Wii.



*doin' the pii pii dance*

Disappearing Act

I was supposed to be at a party tonight, but I just couldn't bring myself to go. I am in this weird headspace in which if I am with more than a couple of people at any one time, I feel panicky. I know I sound like a freak trying to explain this, but there isn't anything I can do about it right now. Hopefully things will change soon.

At Least Rocks Don't Taste Like Despair

Okay, this was totally worth posting. The last letter was my favorite, although the second to the last one was also quite awesome.

Thanks, Michael!

Don't Mind Me

The Ex rang me on the Batphone (aka my work cell) tonight while I was talking to a friend on my personal cell. I picked up to make sure it wasn't an emergency, and then I came back to apologize and continue my original conversation.

"Sorry about that," I said. "He always does that if I don't answer; I don't understand why. I mean, what if I was going poop? Can't I have two minutes alone? Who picks up the phone when they're pooping?"

"I know, right?"

"I'll tell you who: him. I called one time and it took him forever to answer, and when he finally did and I asked what he was doing, he said 'I'm going poop.' I thought that was kinda weird, but I needed to ask him a question, so I started talking and he cut me off: 'Dude. I'm going poop.' And I was all, 'Well, why'd you answer the phone if you didn't want to talk?' Normal people don't do that."

"That's true, nobody answers the phone while they're pooping. But sometimes they poop once they're already on the phone."

"You're telling me. My whole family thinks it's okay to poop with me on the phone. I was on the phone with my sister, and I didn't even know what she was doing until somebody knocked on the bathroom door and she said, 'I'm in here going poop.' I was like, 'Um, what?'"

"Well, sometimes you have to go. You just try to be discreet."

"Sure, sometimes you've gotta do what you've gotta do. Number one, that's fine. You can do number one with someone who's a good friend, no big deal. For number two, it should be somebody you love or an absolute emergency situation. But you at least put the phone on mute! I'm on a cell phone; I have a mute button. They don't! Thank God I've never heard anything except a flush."

"You have to try to be very quiet. Sometimes you just can't get off the phone."

"I know. Hey, you know what's even worse is being on a conference call at work and having to poop and you have to stay on the whole time. You're antsy and you try to get everyone to hurry up and finish the conversation. And then later, your boss says, 'You were certainly short on the phone today,' and you're thinking, 'I HAD TO POOP! I was trying to wrap that shit up!"

"So my shit could start!"

"Exactly."

I Told You!

Onions are indeed the devil's minions! (Thanks to Michael for sending this to me.)

Onions Cause Airplane Emergency
Crew Diverts To Boston After Being Overcome

BOSTON -- Hold the onions! The crew of an Alitalia flight made an emergency landing at Logan International Airport after being overcome by noxious fumes

However, the reports of a toxic chemical leak that sent Boston firefighters and emergency workers into their hazmat suits turned out to be five tons of minced onions.

The plane was bound to Miami from Milan Tuesday night when the crew was overcome by the odor and donned oxygen masks.

After inspecting the cargo in the aircraft, FAA spokesman Jim Peters said investigators determined the scare was caused by the vegetables.

“We narrowed it down to the 10,000 pounds of onions in the cargo hold,” he told The Boston Herald.

The onions were added to the FAA “No Fly List” and the cargo was trucked from Boston to Miami. The crew flew the plane to New York Friday.