You Say Tomato, I Say Persimmon

Conversation between me and Wendy on the way to the ladies room after too much wine at Madeleine's Wine Bar on Election Night

Me: Is that a plate of tomatoes? *hic*

Wendy: They're persimmons! Not tomatoes.

Me: Should I take one? Are they any good?

Wendy: Here, take this one, it looks ripe.

Me: I better not, I think they're for decoration.

Wendy: No, take it! Take it! It's ripe!

Me: Okay, fine. Let's go. (puts ripe persimmon in purse)

The next day

Me: What the hell is this orange stuff all over my sunglasses case? (wipes it off)

Me: What the hell is orange stuff this all over my wallet? Did I drop pasta sauce in here? (wipes it off)

Me: OMG, there's an exploded persimmon in my purse! (eats a little bit and finds it quite delicious)

The moral of the story: do not put ripe fruit in your purse when you are drunk. Also persimmons taste good.

I made A teliscop for YOU!

"What are you doing right now, let's see...are you and Todd okay?"

*snarf*

This made me feel better today.



Picture swiped from the Guardian. See moar here.

I've Had Weirder Conversations

I called my insurance adjuster today to take care of a couple of issues related to my rental car costs and the way my body shop has been a pain in the ass, forcing me to take Bumpy back in repeatedly because they forget about things or screw things up.

My adjuster ROCKS. His name is Joseph and he is seriously the sweetest guy ever, plus he's really smart and empathetic. He should be a therapist or something. (He actually told me he's going to law school and I can totally picture him fighting for the poor and disadvantaged.) At any rate, I was pretty frustrated and PMSing and generally on the verge of tears when I was explaining the hassles I've been through these past couple of weeks.

I was telling him that I just couldn't understand why people are such fuck-ups and can't just do their jobs. At one point, I blurted out, "Seriously, by this time I thought there'd be a lot more robots doing these types of jobs so I wouldn't have to deal with incompetent people!"

Very calmly, he replied, "Come on, you've seen the Matrix and I, Robot. You know that they'd become self-aware and then cause us nothing but problems. We'd probably end up with rasta robots."

Rasta. Robots. I might have to marry this guy.

Overheard

"A toothpick is the cowboy's friend, and it can be your friend, too." - one of the hygienists at my dentist's office speaking to a patient in the next cubicle

"Would you let your child suckle on a cow that had just been rolling around in the pasture?" - a man on NPR who is apparently opposed to raw milk

"Well, we get along about one out of every four weekends." - man in the elevator, nonchalantly describing to a friend what I envision as a very miserable relationship with his girlfriend

"A little credenza frottage never hurt anyone." - not exactly overheard, but it made me laugh very hard when I read it over at A Collection of Odd.

...and on a related amusing note, Blogger doesn't recognize the word frottage. Apparently they need more sexual deviants working there.

At Least I Can Still Laugh

So I was in ANOTHER car accident tonight. No. Effing. Joke.

It wasn't as bad as the last one, but I don't really want to talk about it right now.

Let's just say I was feeling kind of crabby until I read this quote, referencing upcoming changes to Guitar Hero, which struck me as hilarious:

"I certainly think it takes the edge off 'Rock Band'," said Mike Hickey, an analyst with Janco Partners. "What's 'Rock Band' going to do now, add a flute and banjo?"

I, for one, totally think Rock Band should.

HA!

I posted that last letter thinking it was still April...but it's May! The content is still applicable, though.