Be Still And Know That I Am God

Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by something beautiful and I pray spontaneously and with joy.

Sometimes I'm crushed by sorrow and I pray through tears.

Right now, I am crippled by fear and I can't seem to pray but by begging, in desperation, repeating the name of a beloved friend as though if God hears me say it enough He will save his life without me having to ask explicitly for Him to do so.

Michael is in the hospital following a massive heart attack and emergency surgery in which he recieved both an LVAD and an RVAD (Left and Right Ventricle Assist Devices). Once he stabilizes, he'll be on the list for a heart transplant.

He's been so incredibly strong, fighting like a trooper, but the road ahead is long and arduous. I'm trying really hard to balance optimism and hope while knowing that the odds aren't good. I'm trying to put this in God's hands while fighting the urge to tell Him I don't trust Him with this one, because if He really knew what He was doing, Michael would be just fine right now.