Thursday, January 03, 2008

In Which I Nearly Witness a Homicide

Near my house, there’s a section of El Molino that goes from two lanes to one after you cross the bridge over the 210. Now, some people are assholes, and they like to get in the right lane just before the street narrows. Then as soon as the light changes, they floor it and cut off the person in the left lane, which ultimately is really stupid, because by the time you make it to Walnut, there’s usually a red light there. Whatever.

So yesterday, on my way to the doctor, I was behind a car in the left lane at this particular light, and what do you know, an asshole pulls up in the right lane and totally cuts off the guy in front of me. Which pisses off the guy in front of me. Who then decides to tailgate the guy who cut him off.

So we hit the red light at Walnut and these two peabrains decide to have a dick-waving contest. The guy who was the initial asshole decides that when the light turns green, he’s not going to go, just to further irritate the guy in back of him, who gets out of his car to shout. He's red in the face and short, so he looks like a furious dwarf. I honk in irritation because they're preventing me from getting a cup of coffee before my doctor’s appointment. They ignore me.

Finally, the little guy gets in his car as though he is going to go around the first guy (while our light is red, by the way) and then HE STOPS HIS CAR perpendicular to the second guy's car. He gets out of his car again, and the initial asshole gets out of his car, and hey, he’s like 7’ tall compared to the other guy’s 5’ stature. So the little angry man gets in his car and pulls out this giant claw hammer (I really did think he was getting a gun) and makes like he’s going to smash in the front of the other guy’s car.

At this point, I was able to get around these assclowns and tried to dial 911 to report an impending murder. Don’t bother with 911, by the way, because it rings forever and no one answers.

There’s no moral to this story, except for don’t be an asshole, and don’t let other people’s assholishness turn you into an asshole, and if it looks like someone’s pulling a gun, don’t just sit there and watch. Drive away. Sheesh. Happy New Year.

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