Monday, May 07, 2007

Zombie Blog!

It is resurrected! It is the undead! It is come back to EAT YOUR BRAINS!

Or for me to just copy and paste some shit from other places so it seems as though I have something to say.

First, I love Mimi Smartypants. If she did not have a husband, and live across the country, and not know who I am...well, then I would make her my girlfriend.

Yesterday as I walked to the bus stop, at 6:30 in the morning, a guy sprinted past me in the other direction carrying a gallon jug of vodka. Early morning vodka emergency. I think we've all been there. I was impressed with how he was carrying it straight out in front of him like a fishbowl---that takes serious forearm muscles. Maybe he was a superhero. Super EnablerMan, to the liquor store and back, faster than a speeding blender! Stronger than pangs of hangover regret! Able to leap tall beer kegs in a single bound!

I totally need that superhero in my life. Or maybe not, seeing as how I have drunk vast quantities of alcohol over the last two months. I may have a problem, as simply seeing the word "alcohol" has made me start to salivate like Pavlov's dog. My tolerance and lust for vodka and beer are at frightening levels right now.

Also: my knee is still fucked up from falling off of my treadmill. Beware of moving ground! Que peligroso! And it is extra-grosso with the scabbiness and the nasty meaty part where my knee bends so it cannot heal. Ouch!

If you are really interested in my life, you will visit Yelp because that is my serious Grade-A addiction these days. Some choice quotes from this past week:

From my review of The Dive...
Peasants may have to wait for drinks, but I beckoned the barback, who, mesmerized by my artificially inflated decolletage, handed me an oversized Absolut Mandarin and tonic just seconds after I leaned in close to him and whispered, "I'm soooo thirsty."

From my review of La Dijonnaise...
Ahhh...the French. They fight with their feet, and they fuck with their face. I don't know where that line originated, but it's always given me a certain fondness for France.

From my review of Auntie Anne's...
I am totally starting to believe I can make things apparate with the sheer unbridled power of my mind.

And finally: work is going unbelievably well right now. I am a rock star and everybody knows it. Campaigns are my thing, so I am happy and productive. Drunken party girl by night, successful career girl by day. Perhaps I am some sort of reverse superhero?

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