Friday, April 29, 2005

Fight! Fight!

When I'm in my car, I tend to yell a lot at other drivers. This usually isn't a problem, especially when my windows are rolled up, because I'm not a loud yeller (that is, it's not my intention for the other drivers to hear me; I'm just venting.) It's more like slightly amplified criticism, to be honest.

Anyhow, I was driving to the Valley with FMC yesterday. As we came to a four-way stop, the driver to our left was preparing to make a right-hand turn. The driver behind him in a giganto ugly big-wheeled truck pulled up parallel to this car, partially blocking my planned left turn. Without even thinking, I shouted, "What the hell are you doing, jackass!" as I made my way into the intersection and navigated around his vehicle.

Well, my driver's side window and my sunroof were both open, as was the driver's side window of the giganto ugly big-wheeled truck, so the driver heard me. His mouth dropped open and he glared at me with fury as he leaned out his window. "Jackass? Jackass??? FUCK YOU!" He obviously wasn't a venting yeller, but instead a murderous yeller. Good thing for us we were headed in the opposite direction.

I tried to explain to FMC, who was angry at me for engaging in a drive-by argument, that I don't use jackass as a fighting word, but as a way of calling attention to boneheadedness. If I was angry, I explained, I would have called him an ASSHOLE, not a jackass. See the difference?

FMC was not amused. He warned me that if he has to engage in fisticuffs with someone due to my verbal assaults, I will receive a beat-down at his hands. Even with that dire threat hanging over my head, I can't stop giggling at the angry man in the giganto ugly big-wheeled truck. Jackass!

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