Better Living Through Dentistry
So I finally gave in and got a night guard.
Not the one that my dentist wanted to custom mold for the low, low price of SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS (!!!), but rather the one I found at Target for $19.99 that looks like this:
Look, a malleable plastic hocky puck! Just boil and bite to prevent the nighttime grinding* that will wear your teeth to nubs and cause unbearable headaches.
In good news, it's making me sleep better, despite feeling like I'm wearing orthodontic headgear again.**
In bad news, I'm probably absorbing phthalates or bisphenol-A and as a result will have early on-set Alzheimer’s. Also I can't imagine wearing it to bed with someone beside me.
* Mmm, nighttime grinding...
** Yes, I wore headgear. It was humiliating.
