Sunday, March 19, 2006


We got home on Friday night to a gaggle of snails on our front steps. I tried to convince them to move out of the way, lest they be crushed under someone else's shoes. FMC dragged me away before I could see if they heeded my warning.

He thinks they were congregated on the steps eating another snail; I say snails are not cannibals, though I'm not sure what they eat (bugs? plants?) or what a bunch of snails is called. A swarm? A gaggle? A herd? Is there even a term for multiple snails in one place?

Also, what is the difference between a snail and a slug? Is a slug just a homeless snail?

Since we're talking snails, I leave you with two of my very favorite jokes, both snail related:

A snail goes into a car dealership to buy a car. The car salesman asks what kind of car he'd like. The snail says, "I want your fastest car, and I want it in red, with a big 'S' painted on each side and on the top." The car salesman looks at the snail like he's crazy. "What? Why would you ruin a beautiful car by painting letters on it?" The snail replies, "So when people see me whizz by, they'll say, 'Wow, look at that S-car go!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Escargot, get it? See, it's funny. Okay, next joke.

This guy is sitting at home reading the paper when the doorbell rings. He gets up, opens the door and there's no one there. He looks left, he looks right, and finally he looks down and sees a snail sitting on the welcome mat. Frustrated, he picks up the snail and hurls it as far as he can.

Three years later, the same guy is sitting at home again, reading the paper. The doorbell rings and he gets up to open the door. There's no one there. He looks left, he looks right, and finally he looks down. The snail looks up at him and says, "What the hell was that all about?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Even better than the first joke and funnier every time I tell it. Just ask FMC.

Hooee, snails. Yep, they're hilarious.

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