City Elf: Half Freak, Half Square

Good Night, And Good Luck.

2009-02-10T00:13:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling the need to start something new, so I've started another blog instead of getting a boob job or becoming a hobo.

In all likelihood, I won't be posting around these parts much more, but you can still visit me by heading on over to Seven Vices. Same boring content, brand-new name. And it even has a picture of me!

It's been good times here over the past four and a half years; I hope you'll visit me at the new digs.

xoxo
The Blogger Formerly Known as City Elf

I Love You, Man

2009-01-20T00:33:00.000-08:00

OMG, I want to see this movie so bad! Also I want to marry Paul Rudd AND be his best friend!

DUDE!

2009-01-14T15:36:00.000-08:00

- After a night at Remedy -

Tita: *squints at me as we enter well-lighted area* Hey, are you wearing...blush?

Me: DUDE! Just because I act like I have a dick doesn't mean I actually grew one or anything.

Dream A Little Dream Of Me

2009-01-07T21:41:00.000-08:00

So I re-watched my favorite movie ever – Waking Life – last week and decided that I am going to learn how to lucid dream and become an oneironaut.

I’ve actually been obsessed with the idea of lucid dreaming and being an oneironaut (even when I didn't know that word) for a long time. In college, when my then-boyfriend and I would go home for winter break and over the summer, we tried to astral project and have out-of-body experiences so we could see each other. It never worked, but we never stopped trying.

I’ve started doing some research and it seems the first step is to become aware of and remember your dreams. I’ve actually had some pretty spectacularly weird ones lately, including an awesome one last night with Henry Rollins, on whom I have had a HUGE crush for like a hundred years. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize it was a dream in time, otherwise I’d have been having some lucid fun with Henry. Damn.

Anyhow, another aspect of learning to lucid dream is knowing when you are dreaming (of course) and when you are awake. So I do reality tests pretty frequently, even when I’m sure I’m awake, mostly so I can engrain in my mind the act and then take it into the dream world with me. I figure if I make it a habit, then I’ll be able to continue doing it even when I’m asleep.

Anyhow, I'm only at the beginning stages, but I totally feel like I can get there if I focus. And I'm jealous of all of you who can do this without trying.

The Magic of Bacon

2009-01-05T11:43:00.001-08:00

So over the holidays, the fabulous TMC of Return to Rural welcomed me and Kimba of Kimbaland, along with Kimba's husband J, to her ancestral home to eat turkey soup, watch football, and play Scrabble. Good times were had by all.

During the course of the afternoon, we started discussing bacon. (What, like you don't have a conversation about bacon during every gathering?) Kimba and J mentioned that they had recently eaten bacon cooked with flour, and that it was exceptionally good, extra crispy and very flat.

I was, of course, intrigued. Bacon? Cooked in a manner that would further enhance its natural goodness? I needed to try this. I finally had the opportunity to do so yesterday. AND NOW I AM A BELIEVER. Delicious!

The trick is to add just a little flour - don't dredge it like you're making chicken parmiagiana; just sprinkle some on each side and flip over to lightly coat the bacon strip. Put it in the pan, cook as you normally do, and presto! Extra tasty bacon.

Thank you, TMC, for introducing me to Kimba; and thank you Kimba, for introducing me to better bacon. Please click here to see the manifestation of my gratitude.

Humble Pie

2009-01-02T19:40:00.000-08:00

I bought a sewing machine on Christmas Eve, and I was especially excited because not only did I have a 10% off coupon, it was on sale for $69.99!

Except when I looked at my receipt today, the price was listed as $89.99. WTF? I felt a surge of righteous indignation well up within me. I was screwed out of twenty bucks by Target!

I had to make a return anyways, so I drove to the Target by my house - which is not the Target at which I purchased the sewing machine - only to find out, OF COURSE, that I would need to go to the Pasadena East Target to get information on the sale price. (It was specific to the store, not in the flyer.)

Still seething, I drove to the other Target and went to the sewing machines to confirm that I had seen the sign. And I had! It was $69.99. FROM DECEMBER 21-24. Of course, the sign was up when I bought it, and California law requires merchants to sell the item at the lowest posted price, even if there's an expiration date listed. (God, how do I know these things?)

I was seriously considering standing in line and asking for my $20 refund until I overheard a woman and a man talking in the next aisle. It was clear to me I was listening to the middle of a conversation, but it shamed me nonetheless, because I heard the woman say, "You're at Target just looking for something to buy? I can't even imagine that. That must be like, like, some sort of HOLIDAY. Wow."

And I realized...I do that. I walk into Target with some minor thing I need, and walk out $200 lighter. I wander the music and books sections hoping that something will jump out at me. Sure, I tend to look for things on sale, but spending $12 just because I want to do so is a luxury - a small luxury for me, but it's not for a lot of people. Probably for most people.

I forget sometimes how lucky I am. I never want for anything, other than in the sense of lustful desire for things I don't actually need (a Wii, a bigger kitchen, a Vespa, Christian Bale). I never suffer from hunger; I never shiver from cold because I don't have heat or adequate clothing; I never want for a warm and comfortable bed in which to sleep.

In the grand scheme of things, I am a fortunate daughter of the gods. I'm going to work hard to remember that this year.

Merry (Belated) Christmas

2008-12-28T12:04:00.000-08:00

Yes, I realize I've been bad about posting lately. The holidays are such a busy time, I'm sure all three of you who read my blog can forgive me.

Here's a repost from Facebook, and I promise not to use this crutch very often...but it's something I would have shared here anyways. Enjoy!

I am finally, officially, a fan of Christmas.

For many years, I hated the holiday, or at least I said I did. I had one very traumatic Christmas when I was 20 that turned my world upside down, and it happened to be the first I’d ever spent in Los Angeles away from my family. I would never spend another Christmas in Indiana again.

I won't say this hardened my heart against the holiday, but it came to be a time of year that I dreaded. It brought up painful memories and jumbled emotions that I preferred to avoid. However, they say that time heals all wounds, and eventually I realized that the sorrow and misery I once felt when December rolled around had evaporated.

Each year, I found friends, and at one point, even a family that was like my own, with whom to spend the holidays. I began buying Christmas gifts for my family during my annual Thanksgiving pilgrimage home, a tradition that still brings me as much joy as it does my numerous nieces and nephews. I started decorating my home and humming Christmas carols. After many years of saying - and believing - that I hated Christmas, I fell in love with the holiday once again.

There are still things that mute my experience of Christmas - the anniversary of the death of someone I loved dearly in early December; the powerful sense of longing for my family that I feel after spending time together at Thanksgiving; the knowledge that I lost something important on that Christmas more than a decade ago, something that I can never regain.

But I also feel a sense of renewal, of faith, of love, of joy. At last, after so many years of feeling sad and alone in December, I can finally see the Christ in Christmas.

You Don't Get To Taste The Honey Without The Sting Of The Bee

2008-12-13T18:39:00.001-08:00

Despite this guy sounding a bit like the male version of Duffy, I loooooove this song.

It's "Nothing Ever Hurt Like You" by James Morrison. That's a damn sexy voice.

I Must Be Drunk

2008-12-10T21:47:00.000-08:00

Not only did I willingly go into Starbucks (to buy a gift for the "Secret Santa" exchange at work tomorrow, no less) but I bought a CD. *hangs head in shame*

And it was a Christmas CD! *blushes in mortification*

And I'm listening to it RIGHT NOW. *dies of embarassment*

Mmmm....David Gregory

2008-12-07T10:56:00.000-08:00

I was quite happy to read the news of the selection of David Gregory as the new host of Meet the Press. I think Tom Brokaw was a poor choice to serve as interim moderator of the show; as he's gotten older, his conservative bias and general crabbiness has gotten more pronounced. He's less a journalist than a commentator at this point. (I wanted to punch him in the face several times during the presidential campaign, particularly when he "moderated" the second debate.)

However, perhaps the LA Times could learn the difference between "predecessor" and "successor".

“Meet the Press,” the predominant political forum on television, entered a new era today as the network confirmed that David Gregory will take the helm of the NBC program, six months after the death of longtime moderator Tim Russert.

“We lost a legend this summer, and today we hand the program over to someone who has a true appreciation and respect for the 'Meet the Press' legacy, and a keen sense of what it needs to be in the future,” NBC News President Steve Capus said in a statement released this morning.

Interim moderator Tom Brokaw is expected to welcome his predecessor on today's program.

Guess all those cuts take their toll.

I Suck

2008-11-25T19:55:00.001-08:00

Drink and Ride

2008-11-21T10:42:00.001-08:00

For those lucky enough to live on the Red Line route, trains will be running until 3 a.m. on Fridays and Saturdays starting today through December 27th. The extra service is being sponsored by local businesses.

You have to give some love to Cedd Moses, whose Downtown businesses including Seven Grand, Broadway Bar, and Golden Gopher, as well as Cole's French Dip and Casey's Bar, are all on the list of sponsors. He's a smart man.

But shame on Hollywood and Highland for not having a single sponsor!

I'm excited about this while simultaneously being a little bitter, as I live just off the Gold Line, which stops running at midnight. Curses!

The Lost Art of Letter Writing

2008-11-20T00:19:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine recently moved to Michigan to go to grad school. Before he left, he had a going away party, at which he became exceedingly intoxicated. He walked/danced/stumbled me to my car when I was leaving, and in his drunken state, declared that he wanted to write to me.

"A real letter," he slurred. "That's so ROMANTIC and old-fashioned, don't you think? Like Kerouac! Send me your address and I'll write to you." I agreed, lest he puke on me or pass out under the wheels of my car before I could drive away. I was fairly sure he wouldn't remember any part of our conversation anyways.

The night before he left, I called to say goodbye and he once again promised to write if I sent him my address. I complied, and a few weeks later, a letter - handwritten! - showed up in my mailbox.

If I haven't ever mentioned it, I LOVE MAIL. I go through my mail with an eagle eye each day, sorting it into piles: trash mail (junk mail, mail with other people's names on it, past due bills), shred mail (anything from a credit card company that has my full name on it, because I'm paranoid), interesting mail (sales at my favorite stores, free samples, pornography), and REAL MAIL (the most rare mail of all - something addressed just to me, not machine-generated, from a real person). I even shake out the trash mail just in case a piece of REAL MAIL might be hiding inside of it.

So it was pretty freaking exciting to get the letter. Of course, instead of quickly reciprocating, it took me a month to write him back, because I'm a dick. In the ensuing wait for a second letter from him, I became impatient and had to call, despite our agreement to try the writing thing for the sake of...I don't know, being Luddites? We've since been in touch on Facebook and occasionally over email, but he did FINALLY send me a second letter which arrived today.

While it was typed, instead of scrawled in longhand like the first letter, it elicited the same squealing happiness as before (perhaps even moreso, since the entire thing was actually legible) and I giggled at his stories, imagining him making faces and gesticulating wildly as I read. Is there anything better than a letter from a friend?

My favorite part of the letter would be that he signs off "Sincerely", except that this time he had to use butterfly and bumblebee 41 cent stamps, which made the letter a thousand times funnier. Man, I miss that kid.

I Feel Smarter Already

2008-11-17T21:22:00.000-08:00

Remember that Seinfeld episode, The Abstinence?

Elaine: Portuguese?

George: Yeah, my cleaning lady's Portuguese. I must've picked it up.

Elaine: How come he's gettin' so smart? I stopped having sex with Ben three days ago and I don't know no Portuguese?

Jerry: Are you all right?

Elaine: I don't know. It's just the last coupla days my mind has been, not good.

Jerry: Wait a second, I know what's happening. The no sex thing is having a reverse effect on you.

Elaine: What? What are you talking about?

Jerry: To a woman, sex is like the garbage man. You just take for granted the fact that any time you put some trash out on the street, a guy in a jumpsuit's gonna come along and pick it up. But now, it's like a garbage strike. The bags are piling up in your head. The sidewalk is blocked. Nothing's getting through. You're stupid.

Elaine: I don't understand.

Jerry: Exactly.

I'll just say that today was my most productive day at work in several months.

And if they want more out of me, they should hire a garbage man as my new assistant.

Get In Mah Bellah!

2008-11-17T16:46:00.000-08:00

Christ, I fell off the "eating healthy" wagon, hard. So hard, in fact, that I bounced into the "chow down like a fat ass" truck that was driving in the opposite direction.

I've had an assortment of bad choices* find their way into my digestive system lately. Today I had a meatball sub! And yesterday I had chorizo con papas y huevos! (That's chorizo** with potatoes and eggs for all you gringos.) The day before that? Bacon and eggs. I had Arby's last week, people. ARBY'S.

I'm kind of afraid to step on a scale and find out if I've gained back all the weight I lost. I think I'll wait until after I have my pepperoni and sausage pizza for dinner.

* Bad...but delicious.

** What's English for chorizo?

Reading Is Fundamental

2008-11-13T23:10:00.001-08:00

So I joined Meetup, not because I need more friends - I have plenty of friends, thank you very much - but because I am wont to stay indoors and curl up like a cat, given the opportunity, and less likely to do mentally and physically stimulating activities* unless they are scheduled in my Blackberry. I'd like to hike more and read more (the latter, I realize, being much less physically stimulating than the former) and I know there are a lot of groups with those interests on the site.

Tonight I went to a book swap Meetup in Silver Lake, which I did enjoy, even though only four of us came, and our organizer didn't bother to show up. I walked away with several new** books and gave away my second copy of A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius and a book I half-heartedly enjoyed, Wobegon Boy. (I thought the ending was a bit lame and the book itself, overall, a tad aimless and self-indulgent, not unlike much of Keillor's work.)

The other attendees (Meetuppers?) included a librarian, a scientist, and a marathon team trainer, all of whom were interesting and intelligent women. We shared reading recommendations and discussed the books we brought; in the end, we swapped everything and nobody had to take anything they had brought back home.

I ended up with short stories by Julie Orringer, an autobiography of Kirk Douglas, a book on philosophy, and the follow-up to Wicked.

I'd totally go to one of these again, but I wonder, aside from the hiking groups (which I may or may not participate in, given my general clumsiness and lack of athleticism), what other Meetup groups I should check out?

* Mmmmm...physically stimulating activities.

** New to me, anyways.

So This Made Me Feel Better Today

2008-11-10T23:48:00.001-08:00

I'll Be The Cake, You Be The Frosting

2008-11-12T23:59:00.000-08:00

So I made a birthday wish, and I made it out loud, and everyone said it wouldn't come true because it was supposed to be a secret.

But they were ALL WRONG! Because apparently my pheromones are flying out into the universe and bringing men to me in droves. Take that, naysayers!

Old To Gold

2008-11-11T12:22:00.000-08:00

God, I freaking love the Raconteurs.

Found via BoingBoing.

You Say Tomato, I Say Persimmon

2008-11-09T16:35:00.003-08:00

Conversation between me and Wendy on the way to the ladies room after too much wine at Madeleine's Wine Bar on Election Night

Me: Is that a plate of tomatoes? *hic*

Wendy: They're persimmons! Not tomatoes.

Me: Should I take one? Are they any good?

Wendy: Here, take this one, it looks ripe.

Me: I better not, I think they're for decoration.

Wendy: No, take it! Take it! It's ripe!

Me: Okay, fine. Let's go. (puts ripe persimmon in purse)

The next day

Me: What the hell is this orange stuff all over my sunglasses case? (wipes it off)

Me: What the hell is orange stuff this all over my wallet? Did I drop pasta sauce in here? (wipes it off)

Me: OMG, there's an exploded persimmon in my purse! (eats a little bit and finds it quite delicious)

The moral of the story: do not put ripe fruit in your purse when you are drunk. Also persimmons taste good.

Cripes

2008-11-08T12:22:00.001-08:00

Less than a week in, and I already missed a NaBloPoMo posting. Oops!

Does it matter that I thought about posting yesterday?

Better Living Through Dentistry

2008-11-06T15:38:00.000-08:00

So I finally gave in and got a night guard.

Not the one that my dentist wanted to custom mold for the low, low price of SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS (!!!), but rather the one I found at Target for $19.99 that looks like this:

Look, a malleable plastic hocky puck! Just boil and bite to prevent the nighttime grinding* that will wear your teeth to nubs and cause unbearable headaches.

In good news, it's making me sleep better, despite feeling like I'm wearing orthodontic headgear again.**

In bad news, I'm probably absorbing phthalates or bisphenol-A and as a result will have early on-set Alzheimer’s. Also I can't imagine wearing it to bed with someone beside me.

* Mmm, nighttime grinding...

** Yes, I wore headgear. It was humiliating.

Yes, We WILL

2008-11-05T00:04:00.000-08:00

Because today, as joyous and wonderful and unbelievable as it has been, is not the end of our journey - it is only the beginning.

Here's to our President-Elect Barack Obama and to all of you who made it happen. Our time for change has come at last!

City of Los Angeles Eases Parking Restrictions on Election Day

2008-11-04T11:52:00.000-08:00

From the press release from the Mayor's office:

Mayor Villaraigosa is directing LADOT and the Los Angeles Police Department to observe the following parking rules within one block of designated polling places:

1. Motorists seeking to park their vehicles will NOT be required to deposit money in parking meters.

2. Time limits at the parking meters will NOT be enforced.

3. Street Cleaning parking restrictions will NOT be enforced.

4. Preferential Parking restrictions (i.e. permit parking) will NOT be enforced.

So all you LA residents, get out there and vote!

P.S. Even better than looking for parking - walk or bike to your polling place. :)

Election Day!

2008-11-04T00:01:00.000-08:00

It's FINALLY Election Day! YAY!!!

FIND YOUR POLLING PLACE - LOCATION AND HOURS
Los Angeles County voters can find their polling place here. If you live in another California county, you can find information about your polling place on the Secretary of State website.

Polls here in California open at 7 a.m. and close at 8 p.m. (Note: one site I checked mentioned that some cities may close polls at 7 p.m. without listing which ones. You can find out what time your polling place closes by looking at your sample ballot.) Remember: if you arrive at your polling place before it closes, you can still vote, even if you have to wait in line past the closing time.

If you reside outside of California, you can look up information on your polling place location and hours at Vote411.org or at the Vote For Change website.

TIME OFF TO VOTE
Think you don't have time to vote because of work? California law requires employers to give their employees time off to vote in statewide elections if employees do not have time to vote outside of their normal work schedule. The law provides for a maximum of two hours of paid leave for the purposes of voting. (Employees can be given as much time as they need in order to vote, but only a maximum of two hours is paid.) In some cases, your employer may require advance notice or require time off to be taken only at the beginning or end of the your shift. You can find out more about the "time off" provision on the Secretary of State website.

ELECTION QUESTIONS OR PROBLEMS
If you are a California voter and you have election questions, you can call the Secretary of State hotline at 800-345-VOTE or 800-232-VOTA (Spanish) or email Secretary of State Debra Bowen.

No matter where you live, if for some reason you have problems at your polling place - it isn't open on time or closes early, for example - call 866-OUR-VOTE or visit the Election Protection website for guidance on what you should do and to report the issue.

Now get out there and vote!!!